Anyway, hope you guys have a good laugh. =D
20. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
19. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
18. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
17. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
16. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
15. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
14. Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
13. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
12. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
11. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
10. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
9. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
8. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
7. Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
6. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
5. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
4. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
3. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
2. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
And the number 1 fact About Chuck Norris.... .....Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
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